To paint a picture, my other half and I have agreed (and now booked) to jump out of a plane between 10,000 – 15,000 feet and skydive back down to terra firma…WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

This will be a huge test of how (and if) I can control my mind even minimally – the emotional side of my brain will go into overdrive dealing with the negative thoughts, positive thoughts, adrenaline etc etc. I don’t have a fear of heights but as a child, I can remember jumping from swimming pool diving boards and not enjoying the falling aspect – maybe I have a fear of falling? The Chimp will certainly attempt to play…now run along back into your cage little Chimp!

No, both of us know exactly what we have signed up to do. A skydive has always been on my list of things to do before I die and now I’m finally going to do it. It will be an even more enjoyable experience jumping alongside my other half (wife by then!) who, out of the blue, asked if she could jump with me. We are both jumping for charity as a team, specifically the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation is a charity granting the wishes of children and young people aged between 3 and 17 living with life threatening illnesses. Wishes include meeting favourite celebrities, athletes, musicians as well as performing once-in-a-lifetime activities and many more wishes. It is an international charity but we will be giving to the UK arm of the charity.

If you would like to sponsor us, please visit http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/TeamDE. We really appreciate all sponsorship and support.

So why am I not in control over something I cannot control? Why do I worry so much about events I cannot control, change or have any influence over? My partner will tell you, I’m a worrier to the nth degree about ”what could happen”, events that haven’t even occured and I still have irrational emotions and worries…and that is surely not healthy!

I have started to read The Chimp Paradox, but haven’t got far yet but the first step to complete is to name the ‘Chimp’ (a part of the models ‘simplified’ mind). Rather than referring to it as ‘Chimp’, it needs to be introduced to other parts of the mind as if as a complete stranger that needs to be ‘got to known’ and understood. So, any suggestions? I asked the question on Twitter/Facebook and was given suggestions such as Bubbles, Count von Swingsalot and Pansy…more thought required.

Finally, to add weight around how deep the irrational thoughts I experienced following the event (for which I now had the result) which confirms without any doubt that I need to learn to control my mind…I passed the event, not only passed but with flying colours!

This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions

“This city” was never in danger, but substitute with “I am” (minus the ‘is’ too) and the statement would summarise the Saturday morning I experienced last weekend. In reality, it was never going to reach the extremes of biblical proportions but in my mind, it nearly had and was a disaster.

Upon reading, you may conclude with a sense that I’m being over-dramatic and/or over-exaggerating but I have never experienced a fall apart and meltdown like it before, not even before or during the dreaded driving test. Red face, mind blackouts, physically shaking and struggling to get air into the lungs and to top it off, two people witnessing the whole episode whilst taking notes regarding what I was there for but was unable to perform! Add to the mix, the feelings of embarrassment and complete loss of all confidence, that paints a good picture…and all in the space of 10 minutes!

With time to re-live and think over the moments during the weekend, it has confirmed two things to me…

1. I have issues struggling to deal with feelings (self-confidence, nerves, fear) and emotions (sad, embarrassment) controlled by the mind;
2. I NEVER want to experience that extent again!

So, how do I deal with these issues or understand how to control them? What’s the next step or approach?

A well known high street bookshop on Saturday afternoon provided a start with the purchase of a book (recommended by one of my Facebook ‘Inspirational People’, Chris Hoy plus reviewers on Amazon) called ‘The Chimp Paradox’. With the tagline of ‘The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness’, it’s hopefully a good starting point and worth a shot.

Knowing myself as I do, a book will not be enough and more professional coaching on a 1-2-1 basis from a real human will be required eventually. Someone, an outsider maybe, to talk things through with, ask questions, information gather from, discuss further steps etc but I’ll cross that bridge when I arrive…it’s not an ‘if’.

A pessimistic blog post to begin with but I felt I had to get it out of my system rather than ‘bottling it up’. Hopefully, it may be useful in years to come to look back on and see what the progress I’ve made with learning to control my mind…positive attitude that I WILL learn control.

As a end point, if any readers have recommendations for mind or life coaches in the Manchester area or have any other ideas which may help in the quest, please contact me.

‘The Chimp Paradox’ – http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/009193558X